So This Is Me

Somethings have changed .   I guess I was a boy at one point, too green for most.  Now, I guess I’m a man.  But what does that mean?  It used to mean that I’d be so much more than I used to be, ready to tackle anything that stood in my way, and my growing would all be through.  I guess part of that is true, now that I sit and think about it, but not entirely.

Even though I’m a man, I still feel like a boy in many respects.  I’m still perfectly naïve.  I still have nightmares. I still believe. I still get nervous around girls.  I still wanna play.  I still need my superheroes.  I still wonder.  I still dream more than anything.

But I’m so much more than the boy.  I’ve been as strong as a mountain.  I’ve been as bold as a patriot.  I’ve been as outspoken as a Bible Belt preacher.  I’ve been as dumb as a sheep.  I’ve been reading like a monk.  I’ve been writing like a poet.  I’ve been singing like a radio.  I’ve been listening like a blind man.  I’ve been seeing like a newborn.  I’ve been philosophizing like a prophet.  I’ve been giving like a parent.  I’ve been taking like a thief.  I’ve been working like an ox.  I’ve been learning like a child. I’ve been growing like a tree.  Everything has expanded me.

Still, there’s this duality here, and it makes me think.  Will I always be both?  Will one conquer the other?  Where am I going to go and who will I be when I arrive?

Then again, even though I’ve got my questions, I have learned some things.  I have learned that everyone is capable of everything, for good or ill.  I have learned that greed is the worst kind of ignorance.  I have learned that there will always be pain.  I have learned that the ones who’ll hurt you most are the ones closest to you.  I have learned how love conquers as much as it promotes.  I have learned that the Devil is realer than when I actually believed in him.

But that’s not all.  I have found out that generosity is the best kind of love.  I have found out that love is really what we’re all hoping for.   I have found out love is the only thing that’s going to save any of us.  I have found out that our imperfections are our most brilliant characteristics. I have found out that the greatest gift any of us will ever be given is the life we’re born into.  I have found that we’re all in this together, whether we know it or not.  I have found out that there’s still a chance.   I have heard all about this God everybody’s talking about.

That’s who I am: the boy, the man, the 24-year-old.  How do I feel about me?  It varies, but I guess I have my moments, and for that I wouldn’t change me for anything.  Of course, there’s somebody more to become very soon.


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