According to Slate, the Mormons have put up a firewall on their online baptism database (we’re in the 21st century now) to quell the slew of posthumous baptisms of famous (very) non-LDS figures like Gandhi and Anne Frank (the firewall also conveniently blocks access to whistle-blowers who exposed the zombie-Mormon plot).
Overzealous church members with lots of free time on their hands will have to find a new hobby – may I suggest tebow-planking?
My pundit prediction: The beleaguered Lulzsec will announce their triumphant return – and get revenge on the their persecutors – by baptizing Obama and Eric Holder.
Thus, as we all know, making them unfit for federal office and probably spontaneously implode in metaphysical contradiction.
Or they’ll unbaptize (can you do that?) Romney and make him a real threat to the presidency this November.